A letter in the mail from McClinic.
My stomach seizes up. I slide my finger under the flap. I hesitate. They would call if it was bad news, right? Maybe I should wait til Pili gets home to open it. Do I want to open it in front of Pili if it's bad news? Or do I want to process it myself first?
Visions of my hectic day - the lunch I'm now snacking on before dinner, the cookies and chex mix I actually ate for lunch (quick glance at the side of the bag of cookies, quick estimate that happens with barely a nod to counting and calculating) - spin through my head. Without opening the letter, I think, yes, this is what you get. You get what you deserve. For not always, every moment of the day, putting the disease first or even second. For being normal.
I open the letter, unfold the paper. Biting my lip, tensing up for the blow. Scan down the page.
Urine microalbumin or total protein: This is a test for early kidney damage due to diabetes. Normal levels are 30 mg/g of creatine or less. For this test to be significant, it must be consistenly above 30 on repeat testing... Microalbumin levels are also used to follow the rate of progression of kidney damage.
Your microalbumin was 2.0
. This result is considered: normal
Yes, this is what you get. You get what you deserve. For not always, every moment of the day, putting the disease first or even second. For being normal.
I don't know if this thought will be inspirational or terrifying for those of you in the OC whose children have diabetes. I hope it will be reassuring, because I can pretty much assure you that your children will not have AICs under 7 every day of their lives. And that that doesn't mean that their world is going to come crashing to a halt in a blind-limbless-incontinent mess.
In the comments over at Sandra's
When you hear of complications, you can't take for face value that the individual did all they could to care for themselves properly. How often did they check themselves? Did they guess at doses or did they take care to calculate how much insulin they needed based on glucose numbers or carb counts?
It takes approximately 15-20 years for complications to show if they do at all.
There are a number of PWD's here who blog who have had diabetes for more than 15 yrs with Zero complications. They have tight control over their management. Do any of them have complications? No, they don't.
Have I been fortunate enough to avoid complications for twenty years so far? (knock on wood, don't notice me evil eye, keynahora, tut-tut-tut)
Is that attributable to my never guessing at doses and testing ten times a day?
Right now, I'm striving
for four or five times a day - and that's born again diabetic territory for me. So do I deserve complications?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, when you hear that someone doesn't have complications, you can't take on face value that they have done all they could to care for themselves properly. And on the flipside - when you hear of someone who has developed complications - you can't be sure that they didn't do everything possible to take care of themselves.
I can imagine that that's a pretty scary thought for the parent of a child with diabetes. All this work - this getting up in the middle of the night and calling at school and testing, testing, testing - might not make a difference.
That's not what I believe. The DCCT told us that it does make a difference.
But, it also means that maybe, it's okay to relax every once in a while.
And that no one deserves complications.