Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Nope.

Negative.

In g-d only knows how many cycles of trying this shit, we have never heard anything but this.

We have never seen anything but one-lined pee-sticks.

I'm so sick of it. I want my fucking tiger already. Two and a half years, and we don't even have a damn goldfish in a little plastic bag.

Now I will go see my therapist, who went to the same clinic, and now has two kids, and last session told me how there's nothing like the feeling you get when you hear that you're pregnant. And she will try to tell me that there is nothing essentially the matter with me, with us, that the reason it works for everyone else but not us is just bad luck.

And I may fire her. Or slap her. Or just crumple up into a ball on her stupid little white couch and howl.

23 Comments:

Blogger Sarah said...

Oh, hugs!

I am so sorry for you and Pili! The whole TTC journey just sucks and yours seems to have taken the road through hell of sucking!

12:40 PM  
Blogger Sophia said...

((((hugs)))

1:25 PM  
Blogger Sandra Miller said...

(((Hugs)))

I am so sorry.

Damn.

Can't tell you how many one-lined pee sticks I've seen over the years.

And every last one of them was like a sucker punch to the gut.

I won't say "Don't worry, just keep trying... it'll happen, etc., etc... "

Heard so much of that myself I thought I'd puke.

And yet -- eventually -- it did happen for us.

I'm really hoping the same is true for the two of you.

Aw hell, more (((Hugs)))

2:09 PM  
Anonymous Beanie Baby said...

I am so sorry. So sorry.

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Erin said...

I am so sorry.

For whatever it's worth... do whatever you need to take care of yourself and each other right now.

(((hug)))

2:48 PM  
Blogger B said...

Sending you and Pili many (((Hugs))). Take care of each other.

3:31 PM  
Blogger Erica said...

Ditto to everything above. {{hugs}} and take care...

3:36 PM  
Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) said...

Frick. (Which is not really what I really said when I read this.) I'm so sorry. We'll be thinking of you a lot. I'm sorry.

3:45 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Ah shit, I'm so so sorry it was negative.

The endurance and subsequent disappointments of negative tests saps every bit of emotion and energy out of couples going through this.

(((Hugs to both of you)))

5:44 PM  
Blogger Vivian said...

I so don't have anything to offer that is going to make this any easier. I hate this for you both. I never really had the problem of not getting pregnant, only staying pregnant. I lost three babies and I know the heartbreak you are feeling. All I can say is I am sending love and will cry with you.
Vivian

6:27 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

Please remind your therapist that there is also nothing like the feeling you get when you hear you're not pregnant.

And then kick her in the nuts.

I'm terribly sorry. This is really hard.

7:28 PM  
Blogger Lo said...

Yeah....what Julie said. I say, fire her if she is really that annoying. I've done it. (And I am *not* an assertive person.)

10:32 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Oh, crap - I am so sorry for you two. You are in my thoughts....

11:33 PM  
Blogger FattyPants said...

Just de lurking to say I'm sorry. Nothing is shittier than a one lined stick :S

11:57 PM  
Blogger Lyrehca said...

Oh, Art. My sympathies to you and Pili.

5:39 AM  
Blogger julia said...

I'm so, so sorry. There's nothing good to say, really - platitudes piss me off so I don't like to hand them out. Just know that I'm sitting here cursing on your behalf. {{{hugs}}} to you and Pili. This blows. A lot.

9:07 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

I'm sending positive thoughts your way... Relax and pamper yourself! You will, I'm sure, be someone's Mom someday!

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Julia S. said...

I am so very sorry. Tons of sympathy to you both.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Caro said...

I'm so sorry.

Sending my thoughts and hugs to you.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Ally said...

Hello, visiting from Michele today. I am so sorry to read your post. We have been down some of the same road that you describe and we have now just started looking in to adoption.

I will be back.

1:25 PM  
Blogger melissa said...

*%#$!!!! Life is SO unfair at times. You & Pili are in my thoughts. Personally I would go for the slap, then fire, if your therapist tells you that!

~Melissa

2:00 PM  
Blogger charlotte said...

So sorry! I hate it when therapists just try to make you feel better. sometimes you just need commiseration, not hope.

5:10 PM  
Blogger abster said...

artsweet,

i'm SO sorry. I've been out of blogosphere all week--had a crazy one--and just got to check in and saw your news. Hang in there! Indulge yourselves. And know that if it does not work at first, there is no reason to give up--took us six tries!

2:00 AM  

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